Hello Again
It’s been a while since I posted, I know. At the beginning of the year, after transitioning to part-time work, I dove head first into this blog and…yet again…burned myself out. So, while the posts may be more infrequent now, please know I’m always keeping you in mind.
What have I been doing the last three months? Mostly spending a lot more time with friends and family.
The Last Few Months
I had the most fabulous long weekend in New York City with my little sister using my new Marriott Bonvoy card award nights (I promise no affiliate links here). To my surprise, I found a hotel in Manhattan that was only a little more than the award night value and I used hotel points to cover the rest. It was so special to give my little sister this city experience. I remember vividly what my financial life was like at her age–she’s doing great by the way! But as is the norm in your mid-20s, career and finances are always a little inflexible.
While I normally find New York City all a bit overwhelming, this trip felt different. Perhaps because I had my “big sister” energy supporting me. Or perhaps, by this trip, I finally knew my way around the city just enough to relax and enjoy it; it all felt more natural. I could focus on bonding with my sister instead of not getting on the wrong train or pick-pocketed. Maybe perhaps for a moment, I could breath, and embrace the moment with my sister.
We went to this fantastic jazz show at Zinc Bar in Greenwich Village and I was surprised to find myself physically lightened. I remembered how much I love the performing arts. I sensed, I hoped, my creative energy may slowly be returning. My creative energy is a good barometer for my overall well being.
Transitioning to part-time life was not quite as magical as I expected it to be. Lots of anxiety and unrest the first few months, and a lot more alone time during the day. Finally though, I think I’m over the first hump.
I’m still firmly in Phase Two: the Neutral Zone of Dr. William Bridge’s Three Phases of Transition, but I can sense the New Beginning (Phase Three) is near.
These past few months in the Neutral Zone, I’ve tried to focus more on perceiving than acting. As is the purpose of the Neutral Zone, I’m preparing. What I’m preparing for, I’m not sure, but I’m starting to get some ideas.
Three Lessons in the Neutral Zone
First, I’ve slowed down enough to finally notice my internal circadian rhythm. Now, with at least a baseline, I can structure my day in tune with my rhythm, instead of frustrating myself for being tired when I’m “supposed to be” alert and alert when I’m “supposed to be” tired.
Second, I’ve slowed down enough to notice from where my attention, interest, and motivation are drawn. I’m learning to nurture my motivation and attention instead of frustrating myself for indulging in side quests when I “should be” focused on the end game and being focused on the end game when I “should be” savoring side quests.
Third–and this may sound odd at first–I’m learning how to be unproductive. I’m learning–and frequently failing, at morally permitting myself to do nothing. This has been the absolute hardest of all. This is not about indulging, vegging out, or checking out. Rather it’s learning how to create moments of rest actually restful, instead of just anxiety-filled pauses in the day spent dreading all the work yet to be done.
I am motivated by this odd fear if I don’t do something right now, this week, this month, this year, the window of opportunity will close and never reopen. I’m bombarded by this inner, primal drive to do, do, do, do something–write that story, that article that you’ve been thinking about forever, do laundry, reach out to that old friend, write a new blog post, start a small business, get a new certification, get a new degree, schedule my next doctor’s appointment, take that seminar, look for more part-time work, date, take a language class, learn a new recipe, plan a trip, catch up on reading, try a new fitness class, call my family, plan a dinner party, go for a walk, get groceries–literally the tasks are endless! There is always something I “could be” doing, so how on earth can I tolerate sitting on the couch on a beautiful day and watching the same TV show I’ve seen three times already?
Except I have to acknowledge my energy is finite, and right now, in the neutral zone, it’s actually quite meager. Although I want to do all those things, I have to accept they will happen in due time and not all right now.
So, I’m trying to learn what a sustainable pace may look like. This one is particularly tricky.
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